With thanks to my co-author, Aaliyah Blaikie

“Men ask if I would role-play black slave and white master. Others tell me they’ve never had sex with a black woman before, and when I question them on what they think is so different from sleeping with a white woman they don’t know how to answer. It’s like you’re a fair ride they want to try out so they can report back to their friends. This happens on all the dating apps — Bumble, Hinge, Match, Plenty of Fish.” This is the experience of Olivia, 51, a Londoner of Caribbean descent. Racism…


Let’s improve the norms of online dating together

“Online dating has ruined men,” sighed one of my clients. “The swiping culture has made us all treat each other like commodities and we don’t know how a normal relationship is supposed to develop any more.”

I’d been helping her to avoid guys that started off super-keen and got scared off too easily. She was a quick learner of the numerous unwritten rules of online dating: don’t act too keen, hold back, don’t talk about your past relationships, keep it interesting, don’t go to bed too soon, have deep and meaningful conversations, go on a variety of interesting dates. Dating…


At last …. moral philosophy meets the psychology of dating …. Two of my favourite areas of research!

A recently published study by Brown and Sacco (2017) in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships[1] showed that how suitable you are seen for a long-term relationship, how desirable you are, and how likely you are to stray are all affected by your answer to the famous trolley problem.

This dilemma is called the trolley problem, first introduced in 1967 by philosopher Philippa Foot, and has been so widely discussed and researched in moral philosophy and other disciplines that it is…


Imagine there is a Dating Goddess. (I actually think there might be.) She tells you she’s found you the perfect partner. You haven’t met each other yet, but the Dating Goddess knows you both completely and knows what you really need, what you can’t compromise on, and what is going to irritate the hell out of you in a relationship.

We’re not so good at knowing what we really need in the long-term. We don’t even follow our own stated preferences and priorities when we’re actually dating.*

But the Dating Goddess knows. So you meet each other. My question is…

Rachel New

London Dating Coach

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